by: Josie Alexa Bautista

photo by: Josie Alexa Bautista

One, two, three, can’t count the tears that continuously falling down on her cheeks. One,two, three, can’t count the times where she was so down. One, two three, As I step into this door, I hope I am not late at all.

As I try to glance at her face, she was happy yet every seconds that passed by, I realized she wasn’t. Everytime that were together, her laugh was as adorable as she is. But to hear her laugh worth a billion.

Dig dipper and you’ll see how broke she was. Dig dipper and you’ll see her soul was a broken melody. Her smile hides a lot of pain. Her pain, hides a lot of story. Her story made her the person that she was not supposed to be. She was carrying the world, yet I wasn’t able to know it.

I was so stupid! I was so stupid, knowing that she was so depressed. Depressed with her family, depressed with her studies. I was so stupid. Everyday, every moment I am at her side. Nothing makes me wonder how well she is. I haven’t even ask her if she’s fine. Now, I felt so guilty.

photo by: Josie Alexa Bautista

Her family was as broke as her soul. Broke as a crystal glass. Impossible to mend. Her mom keeps secrets on her that made her locked into the dark side, hiding herself. Hiding her feelings. Her dad, slaps her with reality that he has another woman. The reality that made her to be her another side of self. She was a broken melody that no one could ever fix it. Her life was a chaos.

Her school, she failed. She failed at school. She was not her anymore. She used to be on top. Now she was nothing. Nothing left to her. She was with me, yet she felt so alone and I was so stupid not realizing she felt that way. I was so useless. I did not even know she used to cry every night though we share the same room. I did not even know she was not sleeping the whole night because she mourns a lot. I did not even know she felt so sad, so alone although I was there. I was given a chance to comfort her, yet I wasted it.

“Thank you for everything. I love you.” I was supposed to feel happy with her text message but it suddenly makes me sad. It bothers me a lot. I immediately pick up my things and went home.

As I try to open the door. There was something that pushes me away. Something in my mind not to open the door. But then, I needed to be brave. I needed to be brave just for her. Just for my cousin.

“Anne!” I shouted at the top of my lungs. Tears immediately run down on my face. What happened to her?

photo by: Josie Alexa Bautista

Blood continuously oozing from her pulse. Her breath is silently falling. Death silently stealing her life. Death is taking her away from me.

It was my fault. I was supposed to be there comforting her. Through her ups and down. But what did I do? I neglected her. I neglected my room mate, my best friend, my younger sis mostly, my cousin. I was so numb not to realize that shes broken apart. If i just can turn back time, i will surely never leave her side. Ever again.

Now, I gotta live my life without her. I gotta live my life alone, like she had lived her life too.

To those who have depression, please never isolate your self. Talk to a friend. It can help. Never commit suicide. It was never a cure. Consult a doctor. Never be shy. My friend, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

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